The Four R's
Updated: Feb 4, 2020
Strong feelings are natural and important expressions of our connection to all things.
When strong emotions arise, we practice the Four R’s. This process goes as follows:
· Be sensitive and aware - embrace all feelings. When we have a strong feeling, we don’t react – we pause, count to ten, and think.
· We Remind ourselves of our commitment to practice the Guidelines before Reminding others… our spirit must reflect our commitment.
· Ask yourself, “Has a Behavioral Guideline really been violated?” (Reread them). If not, there may be no need to Remind others.
· If there has been a significant violation of the Guidelines…
· Reminders are humble questions.
· We Remind our teammate(s) of our mutually agreed upon practice.
· Reminders lead the group back to the group “mind” – they promote practice of the Guidelines.
· We resist any urge to control – no lectures, or orders – only humble questions!
· We all rely on Reminders to become educated.
· Even when lovingly Reminded, members may demonstrate a lack of commitment to the Guidelines. If this is the case, continue with….
· If a member is not committed to our practice we must accept, however regretfully, that they have Restricted themselves from the group.
· Anyone who will not commit must discontinue contact with the group and give up all group privileges and resources (other than those necessary for safety and health).
· Restriction is not punishment! It is: a) Proof of the group’s respect for autonomy, b) Reassertion of the group’s non-negotiable commitment to the Guidelines, c) How the group protects itself from negative influences (specifically, people who are not practicing the Guidelines).
· Because we still love those who reject the Guidelines, we want their full education – so we must not interfere with their full experience of what it means to leave the group.
· It can be hard to avoid punishing the Restricted member – remember, neither enable nor punish!
· Restriction is not time based, its only about one’s commitment to practice.
· When a Restricted member genuinely requests to reenter the group…
· The Meeting’s sole function is to confirm the Restricted member’s genuine commitment to practice the Guidelines. This should be done as soon as possible after a legitimate request for to rejoin, to avoid any unnecessary punishment of the Restricted member.